pinkyrulestheworldSomething that has changed in our culture over the past generation or so is the age of marriage and the age of childbirth. Now being the gender that has the inner organs that can make people, this has directly influenced my life and the lives of my friends who are pushing 40 or are on the other side of it.
Much to my mother’s dismay I went against the grain and married at 20. Now I am thankful for two main things 1) that marriage is over and 2) we did not have any children. Now between you and me I am thankful for so many things that I learned being married to my ex (and for the sake of argument, we’ll keep it positive). But one of the main things I learned is that I will never marry again. Hell no. and I’ve noticed that women overall are marrying later and pushing childbirth off even later.
A friend of mine, Mary, was in a really similar situation. She was married young, never had kids, and then divorced. A few years later she met someone, and they had a kiddo together. She was over forty when it happened and had due to some medical issues, she used IVF to conceive her son. Now her son is almost three and is a great chonky boy who loves kicking the ball around the house. I can remember our conversations when our kiddos were young about marriage and children. She was really glad that she had waited till after 40 to have her son, but also due to her age and medical ussies, she is one and done.
Another friend, Stepanie, had a similar story. Married and then divorced. Then met someone and decided to have some children. The funny thing with her, is that for her daughter she needed to do IVF. But then a year and a half later, you’ll never guess what happened. She got pregnant spontaneously with her son. Now I was talking with a doula ( you can find her here), and Juliet was saying that this was very common. That there’s something about having a baby that sort of ‘preps’ the body to do it again. Stephanie on the other hand was terrified at having two under two.
So here’s my trick for those of us getting older, or those of us becoming grandparents. Instead of some cute baby clothes that will be used only for a season. Give a gift of a doula instead. A doula is someone experienced in childbirth and postpartum and they can really make a difference for the birth giver, especially if they are giving birth for the first time. After talking with Juliet I really wish I had one, my early postpartum life would have been entirely different with more support. And coupled with the fact that we as a species are having babies later and later, the extra support on our aging bodies is worth more than any onesie or box of diapers.
